


all that matters

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Crushes, F/M, Homeworld - Freeform, Implied Smut, Kissing, Light Smut, Love Confessions, Mentions of sexual things, Mutual Pining, One sided kind of? But then it’s not, Rebound relationships, Repressed Feelings, Sexual Tension, Steven Universe - Freeform, Steven Universe x Spinel, Tension, break ups, fake dating but then it becomes real, why am I doing this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26745952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Relationships: Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 14
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

“I just don’t know what to do anymore,”

Today was a day that Steven found himself on Homeworld again, floating on one of Blue Diamond’s vaporized clouds that were originally her tears. He’s been coming up here a lot recently, mostly to vent after he discovered that Blue and Spinel were good listeners and that they sometimes gave good advice.

He relaxed laying on his back, using his hands as a support for his neck as he gazed skyward at the seemingly never ending ceiling that went up for miles. They were in a room full of clouds just floating about, with Blue listening intently from a cloud of her own, and of course, Spinel right next to them. 

Steven didn’t really know the science behind them, but when he was on the ground again, he found himself feeling unusually cheerful. Maybe it was a good thing, but it sort of made him uneasy. Either way, he didn’t care enough to actually look into it. This was his safe place where he could talk to his two closest friends on Homeworld about  _ anything  _ he wanted. 

Over the course of his little sessions here, he had become closer to Blue Diamond and Spinel. Sometimes when Yellow was feeling overwhelmed after a busy day of fixing up broken gems, she’d join them in Blue’s room - which almost always seemed to be the days when he’d want to get really deep in his venting, but it was still nice nonetheless.

Homeworld wasn’t  _ that _ bad anymore. 

It wasn’t as ominous and bone-chilling as it used to be, and he almost knew his way around the previously confusing palace halls and corridors. Steven had just about gotten comfortable here, and he was glad that he had somewhere else to go when he got tired of Beach City.

The three of them would almost never see White. On very rare occasions, the ruler of all Gem-kind herself would accompany them for a bit. It felt tense though, and Steven almost always preferred it to be just Blue, Spinel and himself. 

Today among many other things, he was venting about his _oh, so_ _tragic_ love life with Connie.

Steven couldn’t remember how they had even gotten around to this topic, but apparently it was relevant enough for him to be ranting his heart out about it. 

It felt a little embarrassing to say out loud, but Steven was really self conscious about his relationship with Connie. Then he reminisced on those days when they were kids. When it just used to be  _ so  _ easy to talk to her, and do simple things before the more  _ human side  _ of him began doing its thing.

“I just don’t think she’s into me anymore, y’know _?  _ She’s probably with some interesting, more handsome guy at Jayhawk now... _ ”  _ Steven says distantly, sighing as if he had just let go a balloon that he would never see again. 

It seemed like things were just so complicated now, especially with the new distance between them. With Connie going to cram school, a little fear in the back of his mind nagged him that she’d find some person who was better than him. 

Someone who was stronger. Someone who could protect her.

_ Someone who didn’t put her in any dangerous situations… _

  
  
  


Yet, despite his best efforts, he just felt like he wasn’t good enough for her. 

And as much as he encouraged others to do it, Steven  _ really  _ hated change. 

“It sounds like you’re having withdrawals,” Blue said softly, blinking down at the boy from her cloud that flowed slightly above his. Then a smaller cloud swiftly drifted closer to his before its small, pink rider commented,

“It sounds like you need some sort of strategy for this thing. Like... maybe a  _ push in the right direction?”  _ Spinel proposed. He propped himself up on his elbows and shot her a desperate expression, in which she reacted with a hopeful smile.

Steven let out an extremely troubled sigh before letting himself fall back down. “Yeah… but I just don’t know  _ which  _ direction to go in.” 

Spinel hummed, hovering above her troubled pal. “If it were me, ...I’d just try talking to her,” 

She said it like it was so simple. Like it was just a walk in the park. 

Meanwhile, Blue mused with some minor apprehension before joining in on the conversation. “That could work! Or you could just…  _ show her  _ how you feel! With some sort of physical human activity,” 

Spinel and Steven flicked their heads up toward their unsuspecting blue friend, looking at each other wide-eyed. 

The pink gem let out a small chuckle from Blue’s cluelessness and also at his utter embarrassment, looking back down to him with a cheeky grin.“I bet something like that could work out,” 

Then Steven could feel his cheeks starting to sting for reasons he couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

It could’ve been the light intentioned, but ambiguity of a suggestion that the Diamond mentioned, or it could’ve been the mischievous look Spinel shot at him, all while knowing full well what she was getting at.

“N-no. It wouldn’t.” He stammered, closing his slightly agape mouth as he gently pushed her off of him. 

Though he found it cathartic to come here and release all of his stress by venting, there was but  _ one _ conflicting thing that he  _ couldn’t _ talk about.

It was an internal debate that he was constantly trying to resolve.

_ It was the gem sitting right in front of him.  _

Getting to know Spinel was probably the most mentally and sometimes physically perplexing thing to him. He somehow found it easy to be captivated by her.

  
  


He wouldn’t say out loud, but he was kind of a sucker for her cheesy and sometimes dark jabs at humor. 

And even those playful kisses she’d always give him, he fought the urge of wanting to grab her and give her a taste of her own remedies. 

  
  


He often missed the feeling of her weight on top of him after one of the many times that they somehow  _ always _ ended up on top of each other. And for the icing on the cake, he even found himself thinking of her when he  _ really _ shouldn’t be. Yeah, he felt really bad about it after… but hey! The good thing about life is that only you knew your thoughts. 

_ No one ever had to know that he thought she was just the most adorable thing ever. _

His excuse for all of it was just that coming of age could make you feel attracted to just about anyone. Besides, it was probably a good thing that his small…  _ infatuation  _ with that man on television lasted only a few days. So he was convinced he’d get over this one, too. It was just simply taking longer…  _ Yeah.  _ That was it.

  
  


_ Way longer... _

It was much easier to keep these things bottled up…and it’s not like he planned on her finding out about this, anyway. Or anyone for that matter.

The two often ended up in…  _ odd  _ predicaments, and Spinel’s natural thing for physical contact when it came to Steven didn’t exactly make these situations any easier on him. 

His inexplicable feelings towards her were unspoken for, and he hoped for it to stay that way. And as much as he  _ really _ wanted to believe that it was just friendly admiring, deep down, he knew that it wasn’t. 

  
  


It was all very guilt ridden, and a little embarrassing to say the least. Absorbed in his thoughts, he was abruptly jolted back into reality by a dull ache in his bladder, among the distinct chatter between his pink pal and Blue Diamond.

The only thing he hated about Homeworld was the lack of restrooms. But considering that gems simply have no use of one, he couldn’t really blame anyone here. If it wasn’t the clock on his cellphone that read Earth time of 1:25am, then it was the feeling of his bladder wanting release that told him to head back to the temple.

“Blue, can you send me back down now? I should get going,” 

“You’re leaving already?” Blue’s little voice said, sounding a bit saddened. 

“Yeah. I’ve been here for hours now. I’m sure the gems are getting worried about me…”

Well, of course. We hope you’ll come again to us soon,” 

But before he could really say anything, his ears blared under the sounds of Spinel’s dramatized cries. 

“ _ Noooo!  _ You can’t leave us! What’s so good about that fancy wooden box thingy anyways?”

Sooner or later he put it together that she was talking about the beach house.

“ _ Right _ ... I’ll come back soon.” He says reassuringly. It must have been believable because it made Spinel smile again. 

Not a moment too soon, Spinel made herself comfortable by abandoning her own cloud and stretched herself across to Steven’s. She took as much space as she may have needed while she snuggled up close to him, giving an innocent smile that was also self aware that she was most likely getting on his nerves. 

“Send us away, Blue!”

Then he gave Blue the thumbs-up signal that he and his second guest were ready to be sent back down to the floor.

The ride down was silent, but not comfortably so. 

As he tried his best to keep his gaze focused in the opposite direction of the gem who clung to him, he couldn’t help but steal quick little glances. 

Then Steven began to wonder briefly about what she may have been thinking about. A shy smile played on her lips while she clung to his arm, gazing down at the floor below. It was always a mystery, and part of him loved that but hated it about her at the same time. What assertive comment would say next? What other ways will she find that makes him comically uncomfortable but also that he finds endearing as well? 

“ _ So… _ “

Conversation was never  _ this _ hard for Steven. Especially with someone like Spinel. 

“Anything else on the schedule later?” He asks casually, knowing that she was pretty busy helping out around the court these days. 

Her pigtails perk up like little bunny ears upon hearing him address her. “Hope not,” she says with a nervous laugh. He chuckles a little at her response and starts to talk about something back on Earth that he didn’t feel like doing but knew he had to.

“...  _ Haha _ . But anyways, there’s this donut place back in town and I was wondering if you’d like it if I brought some up here next time?” 

She was listening at first, but her attention quickly drifted elsewhere. She had been looking at his eyes and made a timely realization that  _ his eyes are kinda pretty _ while he was talking about whatever it was. It didn’t make sense to her anyway, so she couldn’t feel too bad about not paying attention.

Steven finally meets her gaze with an expecting look, but that quickly faded into confusion when he saw her bluntly staring into his eyes.

“Uh… Spinel? What are you doing?...”

“I?  _ Uh- _ .. what am  _ I _ doing?” She says quickly, and a little hint of panic showed through the empty expression she had a few seconds back.

There’s a moment of tense silence where they only stare, then suddenly she smiles smugly, jabbing a finger to his chest. “Universe, I think the _real_ question is; what are you doing _later?”_

He blinked.  _ Did she just blatantly try and ask him out? _

“Later?-“ he coughs, growing nervous while more time ticks by without an answer. “Hahahahaha… sleep... _ ing _ ?” 

She raises a brow, then he’s shifting to get ready to stand. “ _ Wow,  _ look. We finally made it, huh? See you some other time, Spinel…”

She holds a finger up, opening her mouth to say something but he’s already walking away. Her finger drops and she gives up on trying to say anything.

“ _ Bye Steven…”  _ she says quietly, and it’s mostly to herself.


	2. Chapter 2

Steven Universe was feeling insatiable. 

In his bed, he restlessly tossed and turned as he tried to find comfort on his mattress that was all of a sudden made of bricks. He was annoyed to say the least, but there wasn’t anything that he could do to work effectively against his thoughts. Not even the pillow that he tightly gripped over his ears could silence his burdensome mind. 

He had tried drinking warm milk, listening to one of his dad’s ambient music CDs, and even resorted ( _much to his embarrassment.)_ to counting sheep, none of which even came close to being sufficient.

To make a tragedy a short pit, he and Connie had broken things off.

She broke up with him. She told him that it wasn’t healthy for her to be with him. To be his friend, let alone his  _ girlfriend.  _

She had been diagnosed with PTSD since being dragged into multiple of his  _ space adventures  _ where she was prisoned, had to watch him  _ almost die,  _ and lived one of the most traumatizing events in her life. 

_ Those words… _ they cut in to him like the sharp point of Rose’s sword. He was angry at himself for not realizing it earlier that he was ruining Connie’s life with the nuisance of all his own problems. 

But now she was gone. What could he really do? 

And so, he did what happened naturally. He became hysterical on a level where emotions were too extreme, that he just became numb to them altogether.

Today was day three without any sleep, and barely any food. The only proof that he had eaten anything at all would be the three or so empty pints of ice cream scattered around on the floor. The creases of restlessness under his eyes only deepened as minutes turned into hours of quiet and darkness, so he concluded that he should at  _ least  _ try. 

He just couldn’t feel anything. Not even the urge to simply go to bed. 

Steven just felt numb to everything. Nothing around him seemed to matter anymore, except trying to remember to forget the entire situation. He felt like he was in a daze all the time, moping around miserably for the past few days.

Not even the extremely hot downpour of the shower on his back seemed to do much, except for a few red spots where it had slightly burned him. 

But he didn’t care.

_ He couldn’t care.  _

  
  


The tissue box that previously was used as simple decor for the shelf mounted above his bed had now been moved to a _more_ _accessible_ place on his nightstand. It became the most useful thing to him these days for the often occasion when his hand found itself in his pajama bottoms. 

And did what he became obsessed with doing.

It was really the only thing that gave him other feelings besides remorse, and it did just a  _ perfect _ job at distracting him.

_ But it was only for a short time.  _

A bunch of used tissues fell at his feet after he threw the duvet off of his lap, then being reminded of his shameful behavior. The wood planks beneath his feet were cold as he stood to tremble down the stairs. 

  
  


Naturally, he went to the refrigerator. He pulled the door open and hunched so he was level with one of the shelves, staring blankly with a tiny squint as his eyes adjusted to the white light that glowed from inside.

There were fruits, containers from dinner that Pearl had prepared specially for him ( _ that he didn’t eat,),  _ raw vegetables, and some of those energy drinks that everyone was drinking these days. All to none of which appealed to empty, tired eyes. 

His breakup with Connie had really taught him some new things about himself.  _ He didn’t even see a reason to properly take care of himself _ knowing that he most likely wouldn’t be able to talk to her again… 

He grumbled, trying to think of something he could do at the early hour of four in the morning. Surely all of the shops were closed and wouldn’t be opening for another five hours, and he wasn’t really hungry for any fast food. 

He could go up to the greenhouse and do some gardening… but he ran all out of soil and fertilizer days ago. All of his plants were most likely dead now, since he didn’t even bother going out and getting more supplies to care for them. He hasn’t even watered them for over a week, blindly betraying them while he sobbed pathetically into his pillow.

  
  


He couldn’t even do the simple task of  _ gardening  _ without doing something wrong! 

_ There he went, ruining more innocent beings' lives.  _ There could probably be a club with a decent amount of people of whom he’s hurt in the past, including his poor plants.

_ He felt terrible. _

Absent-mindedly, his gaze wanders over to the warp pad while he grieved over his unsuspecting stooges.

_ No wonder he’s so lonely.  _ In his mind, it was easy to see why no one loved him beyond friendship or as family…

Why Connie left him…

  
  


Even though there was  _ so much  _ more to it, he seemed to forget all of it and just blamed it on the self-concluded fact that he was just in general, not a good person.

Maybe his relations to diplomatic beings from space  _ really  _ did mess things up for him. Steven didn’t usually like to shift blame, but right now he was too distraught to even care.

Steven never imagined himself like this. He never thought he’d get to such a low point like the one he was in now. Feeling sorry for himself, he slightly lifted his shirt up and glared down at the gem stuck in his navel. 

  
  


Then an inexplicable desire for vengeance washed over him. So much so, that he had been clutching painfully on his gem while his mind wandered into a dark place.

  
  


Maybe it was _him_ who was stuck with the gem. With _that_ _very_ gem that caused him and the others so much grief, pain and trauma — that he almost couldn’t remember _any_ redeeming qualities of his other, inorganic half. So many tears over one single being. One single pale rose, all because she was too immature to make the right decisions for herself and for those who followed her. Like Spinel, or the Crystal Gems. Not even for the sake of Homeworld. 

But as far as he knew, vengeance on oneself isn’t possible. Sometimes he wished the phrase “I am my mom” didn’t apply so  _ perfectly  _ to him. Pink Diamond  _ was gone now,  _ and there wasn’t anything in all of his power to change that. They would all just simply have to move on, and it was as easy as that.

Here to answer for all of  _ her  _ crimes.

There was nothing he could do right now to care for himself, but events from the day before proved that he was close with someone he knew that would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really curious about what you think! Hope you liked it ❤️


	3. Chapter 3

Steven materialised in a familiar place in space, only half focusing on his surroundings as he stepped off the warp pad. He didn’t have a clue on where the gem he was looking for could be, so he sought someone who usually did. 

  
  


“Hey, Blue? Do you know where I could find Spinel?” He had innocently asked Blue Diamond when he found her in her cloud room. 

  
  


Eventually, he loomed in the doorway of a pink, spacey room. It fit the description that Blue told him to look out for specially. He saw Spinel was sitting on the floor, watching as she chatted animatedly with the small Pebbles. One had clambered up between her pigtails, and another rested delicately in one of her open palms. She was telling some kind of story that was, from the looks of it, very intense, making her own sound effects and whatnot. 

There were a bunch of them on the floor in front of her, all seemingly preoccupied with her dramatized storytelling. 

The pink gem suddenly paused when Steven couldn’t stop a small chuckle from coming out of him. “Hey, look who it is!” she chirped, taking a second to let the Pebbles climb off of her before barrelling into his chest and wrapping him in a tight hug.

He steadied himself from the unexpected collision, struggling fruitlessly as he tried to wiggle himself out of her grip. “Agh! Spinel-“ 

He had been tempted to, as kindly as he could, tell her to unwrap him from her continuously coiling arms from around him, but then he remembered that he came with a goal. 

He was so desperate to distract himself from his sorrow. And his last resort was none other than his enthusiastic pink-pal.

Reluctantly, he snuggled into the hug. “I-I’ve missed you. So much,”

Spinel paused mid-cuddle. That was odd, even for her. Steven would never willingly return her  _ affectionate _ gestures. She pulled back a little and eyed him with suspicion. “ _ Huh _ ?”

His  _ oddly _ sweet smile distracted her while he moved in closer. She moved her hands to his shoulders and held him back. “Geez!- Steven, are you…  _ feeling alright? _ ”

His sudden unwillingness to support his own weight left Spinel, by herself to support him by kneeling beside him. 

“I’ve never felt better,”

“What’s your deal?-“ she said, worry clouding her expression. She held him closer to prevent him from falling. 

“I need to talk to you ...about  _ something _ ,”

Her expression urged him to go on. He hadn’t gone into this with much thought, but this was Spinel, after all. None of this was serious, so why should his ‘confession’ be any different?

“In private.”

Before her cheeks visibly reddened, her initial reaction was a grimace, and her head snapped over to the pebbles who were still intently watching. Steven follows her gaze, growing a bit impatient towards her distraction.

“Hey, little guys. Do you think Spinel and I could talk about something? We’ll catch you later,” he says sweetly, and he knew they’d listen. He was Pink Diamond, after all. Once they disappeared into the walls, Spinel folds her hands neatly in her lap and looks sheepishly at the floor. “Is... something the matter, Steven?” she asks in her usual voice, but it’s hesitant. There goes that thing she would always do when they were alone. There was something she wanted to say, but nervously held herself back. Like she was afraid of something that would happen if she was herself. 

Now that the pebbles were gone, he scooted closer to her.

The concerned but welcoming look in her eye matched with her little smile when she finally seemed to get the courage to make eye contact with him. The memory in his muscles smiled back. 

_ Wait, what? _

Weirdly, the gaze made his stomach twist. His smile fades and he turns his head away slightly. “Do you… remember when we first met?”

She rolls her eyes, but in a playful way. She brings him closer with an arm around his neck and smiles cheekily, but her cheeks still have a slight red tint to them. “How could I forget? You and I go way back,” 

“ _ Yeah.  _ Way back. I can’t believe we’ve come so far from that,” 

Her smile turns a bit sour. “Oh, ... _ right _ . I never did apologize for that, did I? Heh. Sorry about that…” she says sheepishly. 

Spinel wished there was something she could do to make Steven see her in a new light. She wished she could erase everything she had done from everyone’s memory. 

This thought process always led her down a seemingly endless path of sorrow and regret. Everything she did back then was just her taking out her anger in the spur of the moment. She’s never stopped to think about the future, or any consequences.

  
  


He probably didn’t even think twice about her. Even though she was constantly thinking of ways to redeem herself, she couldn’t help but think about what life would’ve been like if they were close enough to do things that he and Connie did.

She just wished she had one try. To re-introduce herself. To make things right between them. There was always this tension,... this spell that cast over her that didn’t allow her to speak. That did little to help her efforts in redeeming herself. 

Making her feel bad about her actions from years ago was Steven’s last intention, though. He had forgiven her long before she’d ever forgive herself.

“Don’t worry about that, Spinel. Anger makes people do stupid things.  _ I would know,  _ because I was in your place once... _ ”  _ he trails off darkly, recalling those times leading up to his corruption. Luckily, things were much better now for him, but a small part of him hopes that she can find at least  _ a little _ comfort in his mistakes.

His hand found hers, and he leaned in to try and replicate the closeness from before. 

She laughs a little, and her sweet smile returns. They stare at each other, and Steven can feel an unexplainable urge to put his lips on hers, just like all those other times when they were this close. Part of him was fearful of said urges, and the other was strangely accustomed to it.

“So now, what I wanted to talk to you about,” he finally says after a little. 

“I’m all ears,” she says, shapeshifting into the shape of an ear and nudging him playfully, long enough for the joke to settle in before changing back to her regular form.

“Heh. _Right._ So... I know we’ve been friends for a while now, and things have been great here on Homeworld. And on Earth, too…”

“But I’ve been meaning to tell you… pretty much ever since we first met that I like you.” He says easily. 

And he doesn’t feel the impact of the weight of the words that he just dropped on her. Or how terribly it made her whole body jolt in surprise after pining over him ever since their first glance. How miserably she’d spend a day, or everyday for that matter, thinking about him. He never would. “More than just friends,”

She lets the moment of shock pass with silence. Slowly removing herself from him, she fiddles nervously with her hands and tries to calm the fluttering in her chest.

“ ...Whaaaa? Y- _ You  _ have feelings for...  _ me _ ?” Her self worth issues deflected onto her trembling words. “I…  _ didn’t know that…” _

“I know you didn’t. You wouldn’t have known unless I told you, and I’m sorry for waiting so long to say it. I have feelings for you,”

Her mind races,

“But…? What about your other  _ friend?  _ Connie?-“

_ Oh, yeah.  _

All of those times that he came here complaining about his relationship with her really drilled it in their heads, didn’t it? “We… broke things off a  _ long _ time ago,” he lies, still in aftershock from the mentioned event that took place just a few hours ago. His voice has an ache to it, but there’s also this part of relief to it as well. 

“It’s because I was trying to figure things out for myself. And a big part of it was realizing that it’s you who I really wish I could be with all the time,” 

He moves closer to her again and takes a hold of her fidgety hands, smiling that sweet smile that made her shy. 

She stares at him, bemused. She finds it very strange that he’d let go of someone that he constantly talks about so easily, with someone like herself as the reason for it. “So?  _ Do… you feel the same?”  _ He urges carefully. 

“...Yeah,  _ yeah.  _ Steven Universe _ ,  _ I’ve had a thing for you since …  _ forever _ ,” she said with a ‘ _ pssh,’  _ waving her hand dismissively and rolling her eyes. She looked self-conscious and unsure, but her smirk soon matched his challenging one. “Wow. That’s a long time,” he says empathetically. 

“ _ Tell me about it,” _

he shifts, placing his knuckles to one of his cheeks and propped his head up on it as he gazed lazily in the opposite direction. “Well, it was long… and-

“ _ N-not actually.  _ Forever is a long time…” Spinel laughs, and Steven turns back towards her. “I agree. So, do you want to get together?” 

  
  


“I don’t know. Does your name start with an S?”

“Yes?”

“Yes.” 

He smiles. Partly because he was happy that she returned the feelings… and hopefully the rest was something else that wasn’t contradicting his original intentions. 

Steven gets onto his feet and offers a hand to her with a smile. They walk down the halls, and all Spinel could look at was their hands that were tangled together. She held her other unoccupied hand behind her back. Steven was leaving, but it was probably for the best on Spinel’s end. She needed a  _ lot  _ of time to process. She couldn’t wait to gush about it to Blue. 

On their way back to the warp pad at the entrance to the palace, they stopped by Blue Diamond’s room for Steven to say goodbye. They held hands and smiled up at her innocently. 

Spinel sped ahead of Steven, but not too much in an attempt to keep their hands together. Steven drags behind her, but he doesn’t mind as she leads him to the exit, but not before stopping in front of a wall. She subtly backs him into it, and he looks confused by her intentions until she peeks over the edge of the wall to make sure no gem is coming by.

Her cheeks burn a little, and she takes his other hand and moves closer. Steven’s heart skips for  _ some reason _ , and his cheeks burn as well when he finally gets it.

_ She wanted to kiss him.  _ And that she did. She kissed him sweetly for a few seconds before she suddenly grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him in, jamming her mouth to his. 

His eyes widened in shock, and he found himself unable to move while the moment of shock passed before he realized just  _ how much _ he had been harboring up his feelings. It wasn’t real until their lips touched. He felt like he didn’t even know himself as he instinctively felt himself deepening the kiss, pushing back against her. 

After long enough, he pulls away panting and they stare at each other. It’s so real that Steven fears the truth that he’s having a hard time admitting to. _He was enjoying this._ But before he could say much other than babbling as he endeavored to gather his scattering wits, she had reached up and pulled him down to her height again, and the rest of his words were lost against her lips. His eyes soon drift closed and he finally decides to let himself indulge in it. Just a little that is, because right when he gets into it, she pulls away. 

He stares at her dumbfounded, breathing heavily and she smiles at him admittedly a bit  _ menacingly _ before walking away. 

_ Was that her way of saying goodbye?  _ He thinks, peeking his head over the wall they were hidden behind and sees her walking with her hands innocently folded behind her back. 

* * *

Later that night, Steven materialised in the beach house a moment later, only half focusing on his surroundings as he stepped off the warp, his mind still looming on his first kiss with Spinel. He almost had no control, and a concerning amount of him liked it. But the other,  _ small _ amount hated himself for liking it. 

All of the Crystal Gems were in their rooms again, he assumed. None of the lights were on, and he could tell that it was late by the moonlight shining through the windows. He headed towards his room again before he heard a voice. “Where have  _ you  _ been?” 

It was Amethyst. She opened a bag of chaps, ready to throw the whole thing in her mouth until she caught herself and sheepishly began eating only the chips. 

“ _ Oh _ ! Amethyst. Midnight snack? I was… just on Homeworld. Taking care of some… y’know. Diplomatic work with the Diamonds.  _ Pretty busy day _ .” He makes things up as he goes, looking off into the corner with an unconvincing smile and he could feel a bead of nervous sweat forming on his face. “ _ Haha.” _

“ _ Dude _ . No need to get all nervous.” Amethyst says, mildly confused on what Steven was getting all worked up about. “Unless you’re lying and trying to hide something. Then you should  _ totally  _ be nervous.” Pushing passed him to go back into her room, she smiles in a knowing way, and it made him shiver. 

“Don’t stay up  _ too _ late thinking about life! Trust me. It. Gets. _ Trippy.”  _

He stifles a laugh. “ _ Goodnight, Amethyst…” _

And when the door closes, he releases a sigh and continues up the stairs to his own room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdfffdsasfg


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~⚠️Slight smut warning! You have been warned!⚠️~

It was normal to replay certain things in your mind over and over again, right? Steven wonders,

After all, it was his first  _ real  _ kiss. 

Where did she learn how to do that? His mind can’t focus on something for longer than a minute because all he can think about is her lips on his. And this time, it wasn’t just a mere urge. This time it was real and he wanted it to happen again  _ so badly.  _

His heart races at that thought. Why couldn’t he think of anything that could silence his racing mind? Maybe he should go back. Couples saw each other everyday, right? 

It was so strange to feel this way. Of course he’s had much  _ wilder  _ thoughts, but now that there was a possibility of it actually happening to him was what made it so exciting to think about. 

And then his mind traces back.  _ All the way  _ back to two days ago when he only thought about dating Spinel as a rebound in spite of breaking up with Connie.  _ Gosh,  _ he was so sick…

This was really messed up. He felt terrible for wasting her time, but then again she  _ really  _ did return his feelings… or his pretend feelings, at least.

Or maybe he was pretending to pretend about his feelings? Maybe he was only playing himself…

But this was all just a brief thought in his mind while he was spirited away in a flash of light on the warp pad. In a blink, he was once again on Homeworld. Nothing was different, but then again it felt like  _ everything  _ was different. There was only  _ one  _ small change. The tension between him and Spinel was always there, the closeness and the hand-holding too. If anything, it was odd if Spinel and Steven weren’t together. 

His hands were shoved into his pockets while he entered the grand structure. Immediately, he already knew where to go to find who he was looking for. Blue Diamond’s room. 

When he got there, he saw that his assumptions were correct. Spinel was on a cloud, as per usual, talking to Blue, who was also on a cloud about something from across the room. The pink gem seemed to be mimicking someone, slightly bent forward and pointing an accusatory finger to tell her story while she talked in an exaggerated, but admittedly cute voice. Blue looked confused like she always did, but she still seemed amused nonetheless and stifled a giggle when it was appropriate. 

Steven found himself smiling fondly up at the display, but not before he was spotted by Spinel. He heard her gasp, then she hopped on the clouds until she made it down and ran to him. She jumps into his arms and he catches her, chuckling a bit as she snuggled into his chest. 

_ Nothing had changed.  _ This was the standard Spinel and Steven interaction, and no one batted an eye. 

“Hi,” he says, and it’s a lot more small than he intended for it to sound. 

Spinel pulls away suddenly, and looks over her shoulder to make sure Blue wasn’t watching them. Then she turned back. She hesitates for a split second before she pressed her lips against his, and it takes him by surprise. It only lasts a few warm seconds before she pulls away, and during that short time, his heart raced.

He was glad, but almost a little disappointed that it was so short. He wanted that feeling that he got when they kissed for the first time. It was so overwhelming but simultaneously thrilling to feel so many things at a single time. He wanted to feel them all over again.

Before he could utter much else, she was already dragging him towards a low hovering cloud. She clambers her way up, then pulls him up with her. Steven awkwardly says ‘ _ hello,”  _ to Blue before getting sucked into some strange conversation that he was too busy thinking about  _ other things _ to fully be a part of.

* * *

“There’s no one in here but us, right?”

Hovering a hand above her eyes to block out light, she peeks over the edge and looks around with a squint. Steven and Spinel are on top of a cloud in Blue’s room. They were the only ones who occupied the space while Blue assists White with planning a peaceful escapade to some far-out planet in hopes of recruiting new gems.

“It kind of just looks like it’s me and you in here…  _ Why do you ask?”  _ She smirks.

  
  


“ _ Spinel _ ,” he took hold of her hand. “Since we’re...  _ together _ now, we should do...  _ stuff _ that couples do.” 

“ _ Like?”  _

Steven saw that her  _ stupid _ grin didn’t fade and pretended to ponder for a second. Meeting her attentive gaze, he smiled in the same manner that she did. He wanted to make his answer as unsatisfying for her as possible, “Well, a lot of couples hug.”

“So that’s all you want to do?” She asks, but wastes no time in scooting close to him and pulling him into a hug, making sure not to do the thing where her arms stretch around him multiple times. She rests her head on his shoulder and smooshes their cheeks together. 

“Mm… I could think of a  _ few _ other things,”

“Why don’t you just say it then?” Then suddenly, Spinel places her hands on his shoulders and drags her lips down to his neck and begins placing kisses all over it. 

“ _ Ngh… hehe-“  _ Steven lets out a small giggle from the sensation. It tickled a little, but mostly felt nice. He lifted his chin up to allow her lips to land on more parts of his neck. 

After a bit, Spinel goes back up to his face and plants kisses all over it, including his lips. Every move she made felt perfect against his body. 

_ Especially lower regions.  _

“ _ W-where did you learn all this stuff?...  _ Is there a past romance of yours that I don’t know about?-“ he asks smugly, faltering multiple times from the sensations that he was experiencing.

“ _ Stars, no… _ There’s _ only you,  _ Universe _!” _

Spinel was  _ oddly _ good at this. Making him feel like the most special person in the world. It was rewarding after all those years of chasing after Connie who hadn’t even made out with him yet. 

_ “ _ Let’s just say that when you’re waiting long for something, your mind gives it to you early.  _ Y’know _ ?” she suggests simply, and the innocent smile that she gave him while saying that was stomach churning. 

The way her body pressed perfectly against his crotch with every movement made him feel hot and sweaty, and he felt the heat increasing with every move and gentle kiss. 

Not wanting their little  _ session  _ to end, Steven places a hand on her cheek and leans in until their lips gently brush against each other. Her eyes drifted closed after a few seconds passed and Steven deepens the kiss against her warm, tentative lips. 

He feels an arm wrap around him. Then another.  _ Then another. And another.  _ Steven cracks one of his eyes open to see that Spinel had coiled her stretchy arms around him many times. He always hated when she did that. He felt like he was getting tied up, and he wasn’t into that kind of thing …

He pulled back again and looked at her with slight annoyance. “ _ Ahem, _ ”

She blinked, only then realizing what he was even talking about. 

“Oh!-  _ Heh _ . Whoops, ...sorry. It’s ...kind of a habit that I-“ she goes on to excuse herself, but not before Steven had already leaned back in to silence her. There was still space between them and he desperately wanted to close it. 

“ _ Rude!  _ You cut me off!” She teasingly pulls away and says in mock anguish.

“You can do  _ a lo _ t more with your mouth than just talking,  _ y’know _ ?” He mocks, cocking a brow.

He was more surprised at himself for ever uttering something so suggestive. It very much added to the disappointment in himself for being in this predicament in the first place, but he couldn’t exactly say that he was mad about it. Not to mention how much it caught Spinel by surprise, but she blushed at the suggestion with a lousy smirk. 

“ _ Twisted,”  _

She pecks his lips,

“I  _ like it.” _

* * *

Upon hearing  _ quite literally  _ ground breaking footsteps approaching, Steven and Spinel shoot up from out of sight, looking extremely disheveled. She rushes to smooth out her hair and he buttons something up while they quickly untangle themselves from the pile of limbs that they were a few seconds ago. 

Steven assumes that it’s Blue who was coming since this was her room. His mind was still cloudy with  _ whatever _ it was when you had to suddenly stop doing  _ whatever _ it was that they were just doing. He learned that Spinel knew a  _ concerning  _ amount of human anatomy. He knew this would be used against him later, but strangely wasn’t concerned for longer than a second.

“That was a close one,” he hears Spinel say beside him. He felt overwhelmingly disappointed that they were interrupted and sighs. Finally, Blue enters and Steven immediately asks “Y-you’re all done with White?” 

It takes Blue a second to find them after looking around. She finally spots them on a cloud a few feet above her and smiles fondly. “Oh, yes! It turned out she just wanted to spend a little time together… isn’t that sweet? She has a soft side really,... I wonder if she thinks hiding it makes her appear more mature?”

Steven wants to roll his eyes, and he can hear Spinel snickering at him quietly. He’s annoyed, and wished that she could’ve stayed gone for just  _ a little longer… _

  
  


His mind blanked out everything around him while he recalled everything. Her hand made its way downwards, and  _ innocent little _ Steven had gotten so helpless that he resorted to undoing his own jeans. He just wanted to know what it felt like to be touched by someone else during a heated one like this one. The farthest they’d gotten was down to his gem. Her fingers delicately brushed against it and it felt so sensitive. He gasped a little upon the contact, which caused her to pull back in fear that she had somehow hurt him.

“ _ O-oh!  _ I’m sorry,” she mumbled, and she had held her hands close to herself to prevent ‘hurting’ him any further.

His mind was too cloudy to form proper words, but he had somehow managed to say something in between the heavy breaths that he was taking. “Spinel, y-you didn’t hurt me. It just felt really nice was all,”

She sighed in relief with a little smile, and put her hands back where they were before. Then like a puzzle, she puts it all back together by putting her lips back on his. They start slow, but then it quickly turns into the mess that it was before. She gently, but  _ somehow aggressively at the same time _ pushes against him until she’s straddling him, and his heart races in his chest. Steven’s head spun when he felt the warmth of her body that fits  _ sickeningly perfect _ on top of his body. Then she leaned forward, and caught his lips with hers again for probably the millionth time that day. 

Well, it was great until they were interrupted. And he went home without the closure of knowing what she was planning to do. But more importantly,  _ how it would feel. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so! Ummm yes. Hehe. This should keep you busy until I can work on the next chapters. Please comment and let me know what you’re thinking of the story! If you have any ideas for it or anything you want to see happen, I’m open for it! Thank you for reading❕

**Author's Note:**

> Descriptive comments of what you thought of the chapter and what you liked about it and ask that stuff make me 😳😳


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